


the cycle begins anew (for the better)

by Author_Incognito



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-08-23 17:30:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20246614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Author_Incognito/pseuds/Author_Incognito
Summary: Tony tries to swallow despite the lump in his throat. "I can't do this. I can't fucking do this. Just tell the nurses that he can live with his aunt and uncle.""What are you talking about? You were practically jumping for joy a few hours ago. What happened?" Rhodey's brow is furrowed deep in confusion."I can't - Rhodey I'm going to hurt him. I can't hurt him."Understanding dawns on Rhodey's face. "Tony you are not Howard."





	the cycle begins anew (for the better)

He doesn't want him.

Actually, that is the biggest lie Tony has ever told in his thirty-one years of life. He wants the delicate parcel swaddled in blankets in front of him more than he's ever wanted anything ever before. More than that skateboard he had begged for as a preteen that just ended up with him having bruises all over his body and a broken arm. More than he wanted his first date to end with more than just a quick kiss and a good-bye hug. More than Howard's damn approval. He wants this tiny, helpless baby so bad it's like a physical pain in his chest, but he's practically _petrified_ with fear.

Tony has known about the baby for months now, but he's never really thought about what would happened once it was here.

_Him_, Tony corrects in his mind, _it's a boy, not an it._

When Mary had first come to him halfway through the pregnancy and told him there was just no way that she would be able to keep the baby and since he was the father would he perhaps consider raising the baby himself, Tony had automatically said yes. The immense amount of love that he feels now beginning even then, and he had started buying as many baby supplies as he could, trying to prepare for the new addition that was coming into his life.

But now? As he stared into the sleeping face of his son he was struck by how absolutely fragile he was. How easy that that precious little body could break with the slightest wrong touch. And he was beginning to have second thoughts. 

Well, not really second thoughts per se, but he kept going back to his childhood. About Howard and how he was treated. 

It was agony to think about, but what if he ended up exactly like Howard? What if his son spent his entire life chasing after affection that would never come and instead be gifted by slaps across his face and arms? Tony thought he would have rip his own limbs off then to have that occur, but there was always the possibility -at least in his mind- that that was how his child's life would turn out to be. _And it terrified him. _He just couldn't chance it.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door "Tones, you in there?" Rhodey's voice calls out. "Sorry I'm late, but I heard my nephew was here."

Tony crossed the room and opened the door where he was greeted by the sight of his best friend carrying what must have been a dozen "it's a boy" balloons and a small brown teddy bear. One of the balloons has managed to escape Rhodey's tight hold on it and while he makes to grab the balloon before it makes itself at home on the ceiling he says "Look I know what you're going to say but if you think I'm not going to spoil my little nephew as much as I can then-" Rhodey cuts off, finally seeing the expression on Tony's face.

"Tony what's wrong." Rhodey asks. The balloon drifts up and away, forgotten.

Tony tries to swallow despite the lump in his throat. "I can't do this. I can't fucking do this. Just tell the nurses that he can live with his aunt and uncle."

"What are you talking about? You were practically jumping for joy a few hours ago. What happened?" Rhodey's brow is furrowed deep in confusion.

"I can't - Rhodey I'm going to hurt him. I _can't_ hurt him."

Understanding dawns on Rhodey's face. "Tony you are not Howard."

Tony scoffs and looks down toward his feet.

"Tony," Rhodey says, this time even more forcefully. "You're not."

"How do you know?" Tony questions, his voice a combination of pain and fear. "How do you know that won't just end up hitting the kid in the face because he's not good enough? Or what if i just end up ignoring him all the time?"

"You don't honestly expect that to happen."

Tony pauses. "Yes. No. I don't know." He pulls at his hair in frustration. "But I can't take that chance, Rhodey! I can't! I'm just gonna have to let the kid be raised by Ben and May- you know they were Mary's second choice, right?"

"Yeah, I know." Rhodey sets the teddy bear on the nearest chair and ties the balloons around the arm. He walks toward the tiny bassinet and looks down, gazing upon his newborn nephew. "Come here." He says, and despite the fact that it is simultaneously the one thing that Tony wants and doesn't want to do at the moment, he obeys.

The moment he lays eyes on the perfect little baby sleeping soundly in his bed despite the emotional turmoil that Tony is currently experiencing, the love in his chest explodes like a supernova, and all he wants to do is pick him up and never let him go. If there is one thing that he is certain about, it's that he has never felt like this before.

"Do you even see yourself? How can you even begin to think that you would lay a finger on this little guy?" Rhodey strokes the baby's cheek with his finger, causing his tiny nose to scrunch up in his sleep.

"I'm scared." Tony admits after awhile. 

"I know you are. Hell I think I would be too if I was in your situation. But Tony," Rhodey looks up at him. "You're going to do just fine."

"How do you know?" 

"Because I know you. And I know that you're going to do great. Besides even if you do start screwing up for some reason I'll be the first one to tell you so."

Tony smiles. "Promise?"

"Promise. Now if you'll excuse me I have a pressing need to hold my nephew." Rhodey replies, not even finishing the sentence before he has the baby up in his arms, miraculously still asleep. 

Tony looks at his best friend and his son and thinks, for the first time since his son was born, that everything's going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> this might turn into a series idk
> 
> you can also find me on tumblr at stark-tony


End file.
